actually, I'm a sock model
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
