Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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