I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize