If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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