So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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