so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
The police scanner is talking about you again....
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
