Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
