Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
