We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I just threw up on my dentist
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
