no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
