I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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