Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
