I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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