ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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