I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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