well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
