I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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