no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
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