Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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