Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
