My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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