I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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