I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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