Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
