the condom got lost in my hair
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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