am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
