I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Randomize
