she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
