Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
