Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
the night ended with taco bell and tears
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
