I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
