hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
