8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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