I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
