I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
