I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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