If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
