He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
