If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
