Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
