I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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