Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
