either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize
