Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
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