Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize