May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
