I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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