Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
is wine microwaveable?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Randomize