A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I need to align my fucking chakras
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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