"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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