My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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