Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
