I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Another day, another engagement, another cat
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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