I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
