He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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