After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
i black out too much to be "responsible"
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
