I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
