who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
