he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
