Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize