Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
