i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
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