its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
