"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Randomize
