He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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