Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(765): View more from Indiana

I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.

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(416): View more from Toronto

that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle

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(260): View more from Indiana

you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you

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(618): View more from Illinois

Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.

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(347): View more from New York

Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.

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(516): View more from New York

My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery

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(561): View more from Florida

I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?

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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th

(905): View more from Ontario

That's the best thing I've heard all week.

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(303): View more from Colorado

She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.

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