So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
