Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
