the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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