Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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