dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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