the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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