Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
