It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize