the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
