I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
